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being lefthanded

By Akello Woefleinz Mecca


I have a friend who has really attempted to murder me with happiness repeatedly that sometimes, I get tempted to flog him with a straw or hang him on a mushroom stem using a rubber band! This man loves putting on shorts, but his legs are so hairy that looking at him makes you think he’s undergoing some evolutionary process. Just one glance at him is enough to prove that God has a sense of humour.


In fact, I always suspect God could be left-handed; most people who have made history are left-handers. Did you know that the late Osama Bin Laden was left-handed? So was Hitler, and Napoleon. Even Winston Churchill, who named my country Uganda, the pearl of Africa, was very left-handed.  Myself, I’m left-handed, but there’s a way nature keeps conspiring against us left-handers.
My handwriting was the best in my primary level, but the teacher would beat me as if I told her landlord to increase her rent! Then she’d shout, “your handwriting would be better if were using your right hand!” Yet, it was easier to make an appointment with the Pope than use my right hand to eat.


I keep asking myself, who on earth came up with the decree that food should only be eaten using the right hand? Does using the left hand affect the digestive system or alimentary canal? Stanley Coren should have known that right-handed people operate in the left side of the brain while the left-handed use the right side. Thus, only left-handed people are in their right mind!


There are hundreds of left-handed acclaimed Nollywood and Hollywood actors, breath taking musicians and artists like Phil Collins, Crystal Gayle, Paul McCartney, George Michael, Mecca etc. Why do you doubt me? If you think I’m lying, ask me for the truth…
No wonder while driving on Uganda roads, you have to keep left; you keep on what is left after the potholes…haha! That’s why I am not only talented in games, but also in music. When I begin singing, I move the crowd. They all move and go home…


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