A friend I looked up to once shocked me when she said she had an argument with God about me. She asked Him why she wasn’t where I was, why she couldn’t do the things that I did and why I’m always at peace and harmony. I was surprised because literally, I didn’t know that someone out there wanted to be like me; yet, I was dying to be someone else.
Sometimes, I sit back and reflect on how much time I’ve wasted trying to do things that are way beyond my limit, trying to live to the expectations of the status labels and judgements that people and I placed upon myself. It’s nothing to regret – I’ve learnt from it and hopefully, you’ll learn from it without necessarily going through the same.
I’m a person hungry for creativity and inspiration. I’m always looking for ways to feed my soul; and as a baby writer, I’d watched out for poets, novelists, painters and anyone else that spoke right into my soul. I actually get overwhelmed by different talents and wisdom which people posses.
But, have you ever wondered what would happen if your inspiration begins to demotivate you? When you begin wishing you could be as good as someone else? When you get blinded by someone’s lifestyle, and your so called role model becomes a threat to your career simply because you are not good enough? I’ll tell you…
When i began out as a writer, sometimes I’d find myself day dreaming about so many writers. I have many of such talented friends, but i was too proud to ask them to teach me what they knew. I fancied being them instead and I began drowning in my ignorance.
I’d look at my brother, Ayoola Goodness Olanrewaju, a poet that got me falling head over heals with poetry. Kukogho Samson’s lifestyle got me questioning whether I was living or not. A writer like Laa Pulga Prince would make extraordinary sense out of simple events and this got me jealous in most cases. Odinukwe Josiah, the novelist was a perfect being to me. This list won’t be complete if I didn’t mention the ogonian brain behind the Diary of a Stupid Boyfriend; to mention but a few.
I always wished I was them but I wasn’t, neither could I be any of them. I became depressed, got mad at myself for no good reason. I began living a life of uncertainty, with swinging moods. I eventually quit writing because I felt I wasn’t good enough; my articles and poems were just too shallow. Even the complements i got for the writeups didn’t add up. I was restless, I had no inner peace.
I had to accept the fact that I couldn’t grow into someone else. I had to let go of who I imagined myself to be and discover the natural me. Take time to discover your real self and act accordingly. Know your deepest personal values and passions, accept yourself for who you really are: the good, the ugly and everything in between.
You don’t have to be perfect. You already are perfect in your imperfections. Become your biggest cheerleader, your greatest fan and above all, your best friend by knowing and respecting your limits; it’s that easy. it only becomes challenging when you care so much about being accepted by others. however, you should know that we all are worthy of being loved and capable of fully loving others.
We are what we see in others. Just be yourself, Trust your dreams, Trust your heart, Trust your story And live on your own terms.