Imagine that you just started dating a great person. And by “great person”, I mean that you’re excited about him/her. Maybe (s)he’s really cute,successful or funny.
You’ve both gone out on three dates already. Ofcourse, you did enjoy yourselves. Now, you’re thinking about your fourth date and you’re enthusiastic about it.
You’re eagerly anticipating what you’re going to wear – and what you’re going to wear under what you wear!
You take a shower and get prepared to look chic. Suddenly, you get a text message on your phone.
“Hey. I can’t make it tonight. Something came up. So sorry. Talk to you soon.”
You read the text. You can’t believe it.
You read it again. You’ve been flaked out on. Your head spins.
(S)he is having second thoughts or has found someone else. Worse, (s)he couldn’t even bother to call you to break the bad news.
Men. Women.(depending on your gender)
They’re all the same. Selfish.Uncommunicative. Players. To hell with them!
You’re about to write back an angry text – “Thanks for the last minute notice. No need to talk to me soon. Have a nice life.”
Then you read this article, telling you to take a deep breath and put down the phone.
There’s nothing wrong with him/her. (Disclaimer : I am aware of the controversy of this statement)
There’s no reason to give up on him/her, on (wo)men or on relationships.
When someone cancels on you at the last minute, it only means one thing: (s)he’s canceling on you at the last minute.
It does not mean ANYTHING else.
It does not mean you did anything wrong.
It does not mean (s)he doesn’t like you.
It does not mean you’ll never hear from him again.
And it CERTAINLY does not mean you should get angry at her.
We’re busy adults. Life gets in the way.
I’m not making excuses for inconsiderate or ambivalent people. I’m just asking you to consider the context.
Remember, you like this person. (S)he likes you. Your dates have gone well. His/her follow-through and communication have been consistent. There have been absolutely NO hints that there are any problems thus far.
So if (s)he texts you that something came up, the best thing you can do is write back, “Aw, man! That sucks. I feel terrible for you, missing out on a date with me. Anyway, do your best to have fun. And think of me, while you’re at it.”
You think (s)he’d like to receive that text – the one that lets him/her know that you’re cool and confident and forgiving? I think so.
After being burned by (wo)men before, you’ve got your radar up for any indication that (s)he may be pulling away from you.
But the path to successful relationships is in trusting that the right (wo)men will do the right thing, and suspending your judgment until all the evidence is in.
If you had something come up at the last minute, you’d want to be forgiven.
If your best friend had a conflict, you’d find a way to let it go.
So, despite your temptation to take it personally that (s)he’s got a life without you, your most effective move would be to remain warm, supportive and trusting.
If this flakiness is a pattern, it will reveal itself over time and you can deal with it then. But a first offense? From a person you barely know? Who has shown you nothing but respect and enthusiasm?
Let it go.
(S)he’ll be glad you did. And so will you. I promise you, my friend.