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Casting a spouse role in your life? By YakekponoAbasi Adams

One of the most consternating things about growing older is watching your friends get married. You look in the mirror and try to maintain a smile, but deep down, you’ve got a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach.

“I don’t get it. Why does everyone else get married and not me?”

This is a question that defies an easy answer. Maybe you haven’t been trying hard enough. Maybe you’re too busy. Maybe you’re attracted to the wrong (wo)men. Maybe you waste years in relationships that should last months. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

The reason you haven’t found this happiness is because you are CASTING for the part of husband/wife when you date, instead of dating. Immediately you enter into a relationship, you think you have found “the one”. People want relationships to end up in marriages and that’s okay. But the problem lies in how you go about it.

To avoid making mistakes, you even put up a list:

– 25 to 35years old

– Spiritual but not religious

– Masters degree

– Lives abroad

– No kids

– Not a widow(er)

– Not a divorcee

– Very rich

– From a prominent family

– 6 packs

– Flat stomach

– Macho man

– Tiny waist

– Averagely tall.

When you finally find him/her, you stay in the relationship no matter what happens. You endure all kinds of rubbish because you would love to marry this very rich guy or this beautiful lady. Even when you know (s)he doesn’t love you, you force it. All because your family and friends are putting pressure on you to get married. Moreover, your friends have gotten married. At this age, you can’t start over again. No, you can’t build a new relationship. So, you think the best thing to do is to marry someone just to impress others?


Some people want to marry so bad that they blackmail their partners into accepting to marry them. Some ladies visit prayer houses with pictures of men they want to marry; while others use pregnancy as an excuse to get married. And because men know how desperate you are to get married, they promise to marry you and use it as a ploy to charm off your pants. Never put pressure on someone to marry you.

The problem is that you don’t love the real him/her; you love the gussied up version of him/her that fits your list.

Instead of hunkering down trying to find Mr./Mrs. Perfect, give a chance to that (wo)man who doesn’t fit your list but MAKES YOU HAPPY. Also, focus on building yourself into becoming a better person.

You don’t find love by checking off boxes and finding a person who meets all of them.

You find love by checking off very few boxes, and dating a bunch of (wo)men who are somewhat attractive and interested. You’ll figure out the rest later.

If only averagely tall people get married, what will the short ones do? Not that you should marry someone whose attributes don’t attract you. The important thing is that he/she makes you happy. Revolutionary Relationships are about finding a husband/wife who is consistently good to you – not just for one month, but also for the rest of your life. Your takeaway is that you MUST open up to all different types of (wo)men and choose the one that makes you happy.



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