I remember when the idea for this post came up. I discussed it with a friend and she thought people will not value it, since I don’t have marital experience. Well, I’m not yet married, but I have friends who are and the complaints are getting too much.
Moreover, I live in a community. I see things, I hear things. And oh, I watch movies and read books too. So you see, I don’t need to be married before I can pen something about this particular aspect of marriage.
Even if you’re not married, you have family members and friends who are. So, don’t ignore this post. Perhaps, you could learn one or two things, which you can share with them.
Most married women say their husbands cheat on them, neither spend time with them at home nor take them out. I believe before you got married, a quality or qualities in you attracted him (if it wasn’t an arranged marriage).
A while after you married each other, you noticed changes in his behavior towards you. Perhaps, you’ve had a kid or two.
Does the destination to motherhood and being a wife put so much pressure on some women such that they forget how it all began?
When you were courting each other, you dressed smartly. Your nails were trimmed to a moderate length. And your hair? You used to change it often and you made sure it always smelt nice, very nice.
Not to talk of that perfume that made him unable to resist you. Plus, you used to send him lovely text messages once in a while. Or everyday. I don’t know. I wasn’t there. You know how you used to do it.
Love conquers all, I know. But, I bet one or two of these things made him marry you. And I’m sure he had hoped it would continue that way. If you doubt me, ask him.
But after marriage, those qualities vanished. Literally. You are no longer the sexy, badass, hard-working, prim woman you used to be.
At some point, it gets so bad that he even feels ashamed inviting his friends to the house. Why? Where did it go wrong?
You’ve given birth to two or three kids (sometimes, only one) and the pressure is too much? Oh, you go to the office everyday and you don’t have a nanny. It’s stressful. Very stressful.
So, you leave your hair unkempt, wear a wig for God-knows-how-long, don’t iron your clothes and store up used dishes in the sink forever.
The living room is a mess. Someone would have to sidestep the baby’s bath (with the water you used to bath the baby inside), and the plate you used to feed the baby on the floor. And also remove a heap of clothes and toys from a chair before finally getting to sit.
Not to mention your bedroom. That’s a no-go area. Piles of clothes are everywhere. From the bed to your dressing table and of course, the floor.
If you’re a housewife, you tie wrapper from morning till night. Worse, you breastfeed your baby all day without taking a single bath. If you’re working, you undress and tie a wrapper as soon as you get home.
Tying wrapper is part of the Nigerian woman’s culture. But tying it day in, day out, does not look attractive. Even if you want to wear native clothes, let them be nicely sown and well-fitted.
The problem lies in tying one old and dirty wrapper and making it into a regular home wear, when you could have easily worn a sexy top, bum short and flip flops or better still, a dainty, little dress/long gown. After all, you are at home. Unless there’s a visitor who might make it look inappropriate.
You have a nanny whom you’ve automatically turned into your husband’s second wife and your children’s second mother.
She cooks all the food. She sets the table. She irons the clothes. She assists the children with their homework. She does EVERYTHING.
Some women immediately after giving birth, address their husbands ONLY by their names or after one of their children (Papa Emeka). Oh, I weep! Try spicing it up a bit, yea? What happened to the pet names you used to call him?
Remember how you used to throw surprise parties for him? You used to take him out once in a while. Now, you wait till he makes the first move. Stop that!
It doesn’t have to be something huge. You can do something small at home just for the both of you and your friends. If you’re taking him out, who knows? He might not let you foot the bill.
It’s not easy raising kids. My mother never fails to tell me how I was so stubborn, throwing things here and there. Some of us are wired that way, we can’t help it. But, discipline goes a long way.
Being a mother should not change your identity. Don’t stop wearing nice clothes just because you have children. Most women who are single, fashionable and decent, hardly have any problem when they marry.
Women have a responsibility to ALWAYS clad themselves with the most decent and beautiful attire that they can afford. DECENCY and BEAUTY should always inform a woman’s dress choice.
If you married her in indecent clothes, those ones that you suddenly don’t like anymore, well that’s your problem. I wish you the best with making her change them.