She was in her late 20’s, smart and objectively sexy. She met Ben for a semi-spontaneous date. The chemistry was electric. The food was delicious. The banter was intoxicating. The first kiss was breathtaking.
One thing led to another, and the next thing she knew, she was going at it with this virtual stranger in the back of his car! While it felt right at that moment, she was in a mess afterwards.
It wasn’t that she didn’t have a good time, she did. It wasn’t that Ben wasn’t a good guy, he was. It was that she hopped into bed with him, before they had established any sort of relationship.
So, although Ben politely texted her when she got home that first night, she was on edge for days afterwards, waiting impatiently for a call from him.
Friday went by. Saturday went by. Sunday went by. With each passing day, she felt a rising anxiety. What had she done? Why did she feel this way? How could she stop obsessing?
Mercifully, Ben sent a text on Monday. Predictably, he acted like nothing whatsoever was wrong. In his mind, nothing whatsoever was
wrong. He was just following up on the woman he had slept with, to see if she would like to meet him again.
He asked her out the following Saturday. She said yes, right away. Like magic, her mood lifted instantly. All because Ben, the cause of her turmoil, had texted to save the day!
Saturday rolled around and it was another stupendous evening. Food, laughter, and another dose of that amazing sex she had just experienced the week before. Except this time, she felt even worse afterwards.
It was not that she hated herself for doing it. It was not that she blamed Ben for participating in the act. It was that she simply could not handle the aftermath of no-strings-attached sex.
A few more days went by before Ben’s obligatory “When can I see you?” text. She was barely hanging on, so tortured was she by her intense chemical attraction towards
When she told me about it, she insisted that this wasn’t just sexual. She really liked Ben and was open to a relationship with him.
And then, almost accidentally, she let
something slip: Ben had mentioned casually that he never wanted to get married.
She didn’t think this was a big deal. She immediately tried to gloss over that one line, and wondered why I was making such a fuss.
“You want to get married one day, right?” I asked.
“So why are you sleeping with a guy when you already know that the relationship is ultimately doomed?”
After a few seconds of silence and looking at me in shock, she admitted she had no good answer.
While she was still resistant, she agreed that cutting him loose was probably for the best.
Well, guess what?
She didn’t cut off Ben. She only cancelled her third date with him by text. She didn’t have a conversation with him on the phone. She didn’t tell him not to call and wish him the best.
Basically, she made it sound like something came up and she would later reschedule.
When I asked her why, she said, meekly, “The sex was really good…” before trailing off.