There were emotional outbursts, curses and swearing. I kept my mouth agape, throughout the period momma told me the circumstances surrounding my birth.
Momma fell in love with a man seventeen months before I was born. Everything was going smoothly between them, except for the fact that the man used to dash in and out of town. When momma asked him about those trips, the man said they were business trips. Being a woman who was deeply in love, momma believed him.
A year after they had started dating, the man was arrested by the police. When momma went to visit him in jail after he had been charged on the grounds of rape, the man told momma he was ‘sorry’. According to momma, that was all he said. The man, yes, I address him as the man because I refuse to acknowledge him as papa. My papa couldn’t have been a rapist. But the man, he raped countless of women wherever he went.
When I asked momma about his supposed ‘business trips’, she didn’t know what to answer. The stigma of falling in love with a rapist followed momma everywhere she went. Her parents disowned her after she blatantly refuse to ‘cleanse’ her womb of the evil seed she carried. The evil seed which turned out to be me.
At that moment, I felt as though a knife passed through my heart. It hurt, it really hurt. Momma said papa died in prison. I will have to live with this stigma. I’m a victim of circumstance. In my heart, I’ll console myself that it wasn’t my fault I was born this way.