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SECONDS BEFORE I PULLED THE TRIGGER: A TRUE LIFE STORY OF Akinbehinje Taiwo Marvelous

Today, I’m a happy lady with so much energy and vitality to enjoy this beautiful life in me “even as I love to play so much”. Although I have not a job yet or billions in my account, but out of billions of people in this world, *He chose to love me more than anyone else*.

Here is my story.

The account of a one-time depressed Marvel.

My first time of falling a victim to depression was in 2009 when I had to leave UNAD for reasons tied to faulty registration after years in Ado-Ekiti.

It was terrible, I had ulcer yet couldn’t eat, and the people I loved turned their backs on me. Thanks to my forever Mummy Jane Arowolo, she was the Messiah God sent to me then; I was healed.

Fast forward to 2015.

I really can’t pick a story out of that year’s stories of my life, too many dramas; it was more terrible than that of 2009. My life became meaningless to me to the extent that whenever I was about to cross the road, touch any electrical appliance or see any dangerous object, “every thought in my head spoke of death”.

I was really tired and frustrated. Babatunde Mojisola Taiwo Adeyemi can relate more to this; she was the only one I talked to day and night. She helped but I wasn’t helping myself, I was paying for so many things in my life that I never ordered for, I wanted everyone to feel my pains.

Later, I buried my pains in silence and it became a poison. I swallowed the pill of depression which I was “keeping to myself and never told a soul”. Slowly, I felt the poison all over my body and soul, it ate deeper than you could ever imagine.

At that point, “I quit”; I stopped looking out for myself, stopped loving me, stopped dreaming and boom! I lost myself to depression – everything – the happy me, the smiling me, the ‘naughty’ me and the playful me. I became violent towards people/whoever didn’t show me love, fear of stagnation! My life became a cloudy sky and everyday I kept hoping for sunshine; it came but I was too depressed to notice.

I woke up in the middle of one night and heard a voice in my head which instructed me to take my own beautiful life, the life God gave to me as a blessing, the life I got not because I’m righteous, but because He is!

That day, I listened to the demon in me. I looked around and found the Ankara wrapper my mum gave to me; I tore it into pieces, knotted the ends to make it long enough for the evil act I was about to commit.

Afterwards, I picked a pen and wrote my pains which I never really shared for the fear of “nobody will listen” and my last wish was that my body should not be seen by my twin brother, Akinbehinje Kehinde, who would come to check on me almost every morning.

I opened my door and brought in 1 yellow keg I used as storex then, placed it on a plastic chair and I climbed to knot it to the ceiling fan hanger, but I slipped! After few minutes, Akinsimoye Samuel called me and his first question was “my love, what is wrong with you?” I couldn’t hold my tears; I cried my eyes out. Guess what he said to me.

“Marvel! Please live for me”, and he prayed for me. He asked me to leave the door open till day break and he kept on calling many times. Akinsimoye Samuel O. Godson what an amazing friend you are. Even when I couldn’t love myself enough, God loved me and kept me by sending Akinsimoye Samuel as an Angel, just when I would’ve pulled the trigger.

I realised many suicides wouldn’t have occurred IF THOSE PEOOLE HAD JUST ONE PERSON WHO TRULY CARED FOR AND LOVED THEM…

*Are YOU that ONE to the persons you call friends?*

Let’s pause there for now…there’s more to tell.…later. Thank you for reading.

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Have a true life story you want to share with the world? We are willing to be your voice, anonymous or not. You can send us an email – info@youthshades.com

*****

Suicide is happening everyday, everywhere. Get It Right Show on Youth Shades TV has been addressing SUICIDE for over 4 weeks now. Tomorrow on the show, we’ll discuss how to help people who attempted suicide, but failed. How can we be sure that they won’t go back to the act when nobody is around? Follow us now on Facebook to stay tuned.

You can click here to watch or download previous episodes of our Suicide Series.

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